DitD 37 pirates

  My name is Dwelvmar Crav Liff but no one would surrender to Captain Dwelvmar Crav Liff. The Liff name is synonymous with textbooks. Trouble is that we have education problems in the future to the point where the teachers are now purchasing textbooks, renting classrooms and even purchasing players for the sports departments to ensure that they can receive a paycheck. The better the athletic department determined a teachers salary. This meant that textbooks were generally bought by twos. Business was winding down and I was low on funds when I looked into history for inspiration. I was an ex soldier so I knew how to fight. And I had a few close friends who would help me regardless of the ask. But four people doesn’t make a band of miscreants and thieves. 

What part of history you ask? Pirates of course. Pirates had been glorified during the early 2000s and although the glamorous pirates of the 1600s through half of the 1700s were the pinnacle, they were rarely that glamorous in the 2000s. Piracy hadn’t stopped after the 1700s it just changed. Long gone were the democratic vessels on the seven seas and now it was people just stealing because it was easy.

Of course a lot has changed since the 2000s. In our modern day of 2132 we had advancements in technology. For instance, we discovered a way to make a vessel lighter then a balloon. The way to do it was to create an pocket dimension around the vessel and then make the pocket act like it was a light material filled with helium. Of course the pocket had to be formed with the propulsion system on the outside but it was interesting nevertheless. I happened to own an old wooden vessel from 1688 and a pocket dimensional generator. But I would need a pirate crew. I needed like minded individuals. So I gathered my friends to figure this all out. Gragh Martrak who would be my first mate. He was our heavy machine gunner in the army. Ossley Bral who would man the crows nest. She was the toughest woman I ever met and scary when hungry. She was small but could lift four times her body weight. She was impressive because she never even worked out. But I knew I could count on her to swing down from the crows nest faster than lightning and fight off more than her share. Lastly Belmar Pastev who would be the crew master and liaison. He had the smoothest tongue of any person I had ever met. The bar was full that night so we chose to drink in a nightclub down the street. They had private rooms for let. 

“This is ridiculous, liaison is a position for a friend when you have nothing else left.” Belmar said furiously. 

“You’re just mad because you always knew I was Dwelvmars best friend.” Gragh scoffed. “Also you have to do something about that name. What are you a bureaucrat?” 

  Ossley laughed spitting out a small piece of bacon snack that she kept in her pocket. “ALL HAIL! Captain Pretty-pants!” 

“I’ve actually been thinking about that. I was thinking of Captain Smit Ephihar Liff.” I said with a smile. 

“Captain Smite Liff,” Gragh said pondering. “I like it.” 

“No, it’s…” I tried to say but was interrupted. 

“I could follow a captain by the name of Smite Liff” Ossley said nodding her. 

“Yes, but it’s actually…” I tried to say again being interrupted. 

“Then it’s settled. I’ll try to get more people for the crew. Don’t worry, they will all follow Smite and his crew master Belmar. Everyone else will need to do the same.” Gragh declared. “I mean unless the captain feels adverse to this plan?” 

They all looked at me trying to get me to not make anymore mention of my name preference. “Yes, that is what I have been trying to say this whole time. Don’t interrupt me again first mate.”

We drank until closing time although I had far less alcohol then my rabble. I needed a clear head as I needed to plan our next move. I was so preoccupied that I hadn’t noticed that Belmar wasn’t drink as much either. Of course Gragh and Ossley were so drunk that I caught Gragh making out with the vending machine and slightly grinding on it and Ossley was making out with the back part of our bench. When they were plastered Belmar scooted closer to me and began to whisper. “I’ve heard of a genius boy in my science magazines.” Belmar was a science freak and had every magazine subscription known to man. “He has calculated a formula for an Einstein Rosen bridge. He was scoffed at by the editor and the author. They almost didn’t run the story but they had a slow month.”

“What’s your point?” I said hoping to brush him off. 

“He has the theory and possibly even the tech to make our pocket dimension travel through time and even possibly space.” Belmar said eagerly. “What do you think? First mate now?” 

“If you are right then yes.” I said.

“Don’t tell Belmar, or the Captain but Gragh here is the best kisser.” Ossley attempted to whisper to Belmar. “You know, since Belmar is the new first mate and all.”

I spent the rest of the night doing research on historical pirates. Pirates like Captain Edward Teach and Benjamin Hornigold. Edward Teach or sometimes referred to as Edward Thatch who’s success came from the fear he caused in his opponent’s and crew. Stories of heavy grog use with gunpowder rumors helped to solidify his strength with the proper fear tactic. This was his downfall with his crew but lacing his hair and black beard with lit cannon fuses caused quick surrender of his opponents.

Hornigold was completely different as his crew would follow him through the pits of hell. This was because he employed a pirate democracy. The crew had equal say in matters though the captain had the final say. But all booty and major decisions were agreed upon by the crew. That is how I would like to have my crew. Perhaps I could have the entire crew on board with the fear tactics of Blackbeard. We could be the most feared and most democratic group of pirates to ever live. 

THE NEXT MORNING was depressing for two of us. Gragh and Ossley wouldn’t even look at each other. They both ended the night huddled in an embrace with their inanimate objects. Each believing they made out with the other. I was not about to tell them otherwise. Besides Belmar tracked down the kid and I was interested in what he had to say. We arrived at the kids hovel which was not what normal people would call home. I knocked on the screen door as the door didn’t appear to be anywhere. I could see a kid running around room. It seemed to only have two rooms. There was trash and metal parts strewn about the area. The kid didn’t even look up. I could see filth on his face and hands and his blond hair had specs of crud in it with black stained parts of the hair. His shirt had holes in the side which was barely covered by a tattered lab coat. The lab coat was worse then the boy. His pants were the cleanest part of the boy which was really saying something as they were frayed at the bottom with holes in the knees and black stains on the thighs. 

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“Hlam,” Belmar stated. 

“YES, WHAT?” Hlam yelled from inside the room. He lifted head to see three grown men and one woman dressed nicely standing in his doorway. He lifted his goggles and began to tilt his head. I started to get excited when he pushed a button. The button must’ve been hooked to a trigger mechanism as it slammed a metal door from the floor to the ceiling flinging crap up destroying part of the screen and landing on us. 

“OH THIS KIDS ASKIN’ FORIT!” Gragh yelled. 

“Hold up Gragh. Have you noticed the state of living quarters he lives in?” I asked “He might think we are from social services.”

“Social Services? Are you dumb?” Hlam said over a speaker. “I have proven to them that I am self-sufficient they stopped coming three years ago. You are here to steal my work like all the others since those morons in the magazine.”

“WE ARENT THEIVES KID!” I yelled.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid. You are so stupid. The microphone works fine and doesn’t require yelling.” Hlam said back. 

“Not thieves? Aren’t we trying to become pirates?” Belmar asked in a whisper. 

“Pirates are thieves. THIEVES, JERKS!” Hlam said. “WAIT! PIRATES!!!”

“Ok, pirates but more like Robin Hood.” I tried to reason. 

“SHUT UP! Pirates… yes. PIRATES! True historical beings and not make believe people. EUREKA!!!” Hlam yelled frantically. “COLAB!? YES?”

“Yes…?” I said.

“You take me or this won’t work. Troubleshoot as we go.” Hlam said. 

“Ok Yoda…” I said joking. Gragh and Ossley chuckled a little then looked at each other and immediately looked away embarrassed. “Would you too go wait in the car?!”

“Bad idea Captain, they might make out some more.” Belmar scoffed. 

“No jokes, waste of time and lost on me as I don’t have a sense of humor.” Hlam said.

I whispered to Belmar, “They are safe there’s no booze in the car.” Belmar and I laughed as quiet as we could. 

“Seriously, no joking. I will be right out. Bring a truck around. Flatbed preferably.” Hlam said. 

“We don’t have a flat bed.” I said. 

“I’m aware, if you had one I would have said bring YOUR truck around. However instead I said bring A truck around.” Hlam said. “Hurry, it won’t take long to pack everything I need.”

“Listen kid…” I started

“No time. Make your useless point after we are on your ship. Ensure your ship is wood.” Hlam interrupted. All three of my companions began to laugh. 

“VSSHHH…” I sounded and then shook my head. “Belmar, as my new first mate, take tweadle dee and tweadle dumb here to get a flat bed truck for his highness.”

“I’m tweadle dee,” Ossley said. 

“Just get in the car, you are both idiots.” Belmar said. 

“Can you at least open the door?” I asked brushing the filth off my shoulders. 

“Door? Right.” Hlam said and the door fell back to the floor. “So you’re Captain, then there is Belmar and tweadle dee and tweadle dumb? Is that everyone in your crew?”

“I’m Captain Smit E Liff. I have a tall ship from the 1600s. My crew consists of Belmar who is my first mate, Gragh who is my crew liaison and Ossley who is our crows nest look out.” I said

“Understood. Can you grab me that hose?” Hlam said point in a general region of his trash pile. I walked in and grabbed the hose with my thumb and pointer. “More crew is yet needed.”

“Gragh has a bunch of crew that he is bringing on board.” I said. 

“Long John Silver, Captain.” Hlam said. 

“You mean treasure island?” I asked.

Hlam ran to the other side of what appeared to be a pile of trash. “Correct. Don’t trust a crew you don’t know personally.”

“Served in the Army with my team. I trust them with my life.” I said. 

“Just keep your wits about you and guard up Captain.” Hlam said. “Screw?”

“No, Gragh and Ossley just made out with inanimate objects.” I said.

“No, there…” Hlam persisted.

“Aren’t you a bit young to think about fornication?” I asked. 

“NO, That screw there, please hand it here” Hlam said annoyed. 

“Oh. Forgive me.” I said. 

“Just hand me the screw please.” Hlam said hanging his head. I left him to it and looked around for a place to sit. 

“So where are your parents Hlam?” I asked. 

“Parents? Do you mean the genetic material donator and the birthpod? They left when I was four. Something about being fed up with each other and me. Why do you ask?” Hlam said. 

“That’s awful. I’m sorry.” I said.

“Don’t be. I was better off. They couldn’t afford this house or any of my experiments. I write code on the weekend for companies and they pay me well enough to pay for the taxes on the house that I own, and to afford the food and equipment that I need.” Hlam said.

“What about…” I started. 

“Your crew is here with a truck. Grab that end.” Hlam said. 

I grabbed my end and began to lift. “Can you please…” I began. 

“Interrupting you. No. You use 800 words to say something that only needs 2. Don’t drop this.” Hlam said. 

“That’s three words.” I said snidely. 

“You’re also a moron.” Hlam said again. 

“Good talk cap’n?” Gragh said. 

“The best,” I said sarcastically. “Help me out here.” Gragh grabbed my end and lugged it onto the truck by himself. 

“Be careful. It’s delicate.” Hlam said worried. 

“Relax kid, I’ve been with more delicate.” Gragh glanced at Ossley. 

“Delicate like a tank.” Ossley responded. 

“Was the delicate thing also nuclear?” Hlam asked. 

“Oh! Now you have a comical sense.” Gragh said smiling.

“I could take you both in a fist fight at the same time and win.” Ossley responded fiercely. 

“No, you see…” Hlam started. 

“Settle down you three.” I exclaimed finally cutting someone off. 

“NO! The device is nuclear you morons. If you damage a single part of it we all die.” Hlam said. 

“That’s less funny, kid.” Gragh said. 

“Again, I wasn’t trying to be humorous.” Hlam said. 

After the truck was loaded and strapped down tight we started out towards my ship. I started to think about the fantasy of taking what we needed and nothing more. Returning to the future to supply all the teachers the materials they needed and more. Suddenly Gragh hit a pothole in the road at speed. 

“Captain, are you going to let him get away with this?” Hlam asked frustrated.

I looked to Belmar, “1st mate, handle this.”

Belmar looked at Ossley and gave her a nod. She whacked the back of Gragh’s head so hard I thought I could hear part of his skull shatter. This caused Gragh to grab the back of his head causing the flatbed truck to swerve into oncoming traffic Ossley pulled the wheel back towards our lane which cause Hlam to put his head in his hands. “We are all going to die.” Hlam said saddened by his recent discovery. 

“Just figger that out now kid, and crap Ossley not so hard!” Gragh said. 

“Then try not to hit bumps you moron.” Ossley said as she pulled back to give him another. 

“Ok… ok” Gragh said. The rest of the ride back to the ship was smoother. Gragh hit a few more potholes pushing his luck. Ossley cracked Gragh in the back of his head. Hlam feared for his life. Belmar yelled at Gragh and Ossley. Finally, I dreamt of a safer crew. 

We pulled up and the whole ship was filled with life. “Does anyone know who all these people are?” I asked. 

“Long John Silver” Hlam said staring at the floor. 

“You mean treasure island?” Gragh asked.

“That’s what I said and it’s none of your business.” Hlam said. 

“Relax, as the crew master I gathered a crew. All from our military career, Cap’n.” Gragh said. “All straight arrows and tough as nails. You’ve seen it yurself.”

Some of the crew started approaching the truck. “Captain… Captain… CAPTAIN!!!” Hlam said worried. He grabbed onto my shoulder and began to squeeze. 

“Take a breath, I now recognize the crew members.” I said reassuring. He released my arm and immediately pushed me away. 

“I know that! I just don’t want them manhandling my device.” Hlam said trying to convince himself. 

“Ok kid… we believe ya.” Gragh said sarcastically. 

The crew walked up to Gragh. “This the last piece?” They asked. 

“Yeah, take’er easy with it. The things Radio something or other.” Gragh replied. 

“It’s not radio something or other!!! It’s fragile and nuclear powered and has the possibility of going off based on how it’s treated.” Hlam said from the truck. 

“Right, so… Fragile and Radio something or other.” The crew members said. They unloaded the truck and placed it on the ship next to the bubble generator. Hlam was hounding them the entire time. Telling them where to put it and how gently to set the device down. I sent Belmar and Ossley to return the truck and get the car. Gragh checked to make sure the crew was settling in on the ship and that things were ready to make way. I went to my quarters and placed my pirate textbooks by my bed. I was going to need it for further research if we were going to be successful. My quarters were in the aft of the ship below the quarter deck. There was a small room in between my quarters and the outer deck. I made that my war room.

“Cap’n, can I see you in this second room.” Gragh said.

“War room.” I said. 

“Yeah… Sure… whatever… this is important.” Gragh said through the door. I opened the door and Gragh was walking around the table in the middle of the room. “We have no way of fighting back against our enemies.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“The cannons are blocked off with rubber.” Gragh said concerned.

At that moment Hlam walks into the war room. “We got a problem.” Hlam said annoyed. 

“Great maybe you two can solve each other’s problem’s.” I said laughing slightly. 

“Very funny. I am doubtful that you can even solve the problem.” Hlam said annoyed. 

“WHAT?!” I yelled. 

“The… um… generator is older and… uh… wont mesh with the… space time Modulator.” Hlam said sheepishly. 

“Great. Look, I’m sorry kid. Is there an adapter that we can use?” I asked. 

“Adapter? What’s an adapter?” Hlam said.

“You know, the thing that makes old and new tech work together. Like a larger hose connecting to a smaller hose.” I said. 

“That might work but I will have to play with my figures.” Hlam said heading out of the war room. 

“Now, Gragh… take the cannons and heat them until the rubber flows. Then pour the rubber into barrels. We might still have need for it down the road. Finally make sure no rubber remains. We don’t want the cannons to damage our ship.” I said. 

“Aye, spoken like a true Cap’n. It will be done.” Gragh replied. 

Belmar and Ossley were still out for a few minutes so I decided to take a stroll on the main deck. Officially she was a Elizabethan Galleon. I named her Aurora because she was the most beautiful of all ships and she was my true north. As I exited the war room onto the main deck I examined my vessel and crew. The sky was clear and I hoped that it would remain that way for the duration of our maiden voyage.  I walked down the stairs to the main deck and the crew nodded as I would approach. My hands naturally went behind my back as I strolled. 

“Captain!” I heard over my shoulder. I looked back and saw a large man carrying a chest. 

“Can I help you?” I asked. 

“A gentleman named Belmar told me to come by and assist you with your wardrobe. He said modern day cloths meets 1600s buccaneer. And preferably all black.” The gent said. I examined him up and down. He was in fancy penny loafers with very nice slacks and a French tucked tee shirt. Judging by his wardrobe I would be in good hands. “So where should we…?”

“The war room will be fine.” I said seeing the visible confusion on his face. “This way.”

The well dressed man followed me to the war room and he began to lay out garments and hats on the table. I reach towards the hats and the man slapped my hand away. “You’re not ready for the hats yet.” He said and he continued putting garments on the table. 

“I’ve worn hats before.” I said to myself. 

“Do you want the outfits or not?” He said looking over his glasses. Then he pulled out the outfit that immediately spoke to me. They were a pair of black cargo pants that were purposely tattered and frayed by the feet. A sleeveless black shirt with a red crab and it’s body was the shape of a skull. A light trench coat with a zipper and some metal hoops. 

I grabbed it before he set it down. “This is it?” I said. 

“That one? That was from a crappy party last night. I was going to throw it out.” He said growing concerned. 

“I will be wearing that one.” I said, “It makes me feel dignified.”

“It was a goth party. I didn’t even remember it was in there! Please reconsider.” He replied. 

“I have made my decision.” I replied. 

“Well then wear whatever hat you want.” He said throwing his hands in the air. 

I glanced over the hats and found one that had a black feather tucked into a single fold on the side. I grabbed it and put it on my head. “This is perfect.”

“I quit. You have no fashion sense whatsoever.” He said annoyed. 

“How do I get more of these clothes?” I asked. 

“I have more of these in my car trunk. Take them and never call me again.” He said as he threw outfits back into the chest. 

“Just take a member of my crew to get it from you. I need to evolve into my new outfit.” I said. 

“You’re an idiot,” I heard him say as I walked into my quarters. I excitedly tore my clothes off.